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Wedding Invitations Etiquette.

Dear Queen,

If parents are divorced and child is getting married and one parent is paying for the wedding without assistance from the other parent, can the invitation read:

Mr. so & so invites you to the wedding of his daughter?

Signed, C.

Dear C.,

This is a little bit of a tricky question because of having to consider, who is paying, who should be paying, proper etiquette, and keeping the peace instead of fueling the fire. One important piece of information you didn't give me is why is one parent not contributing? I'm going to use the mother as the example of the one that is not paying, although my opinion is the same if it is the father, and you are the bride.

Here is my opinion what you should do.

• Mr. A
• Ms B or Mrs. B or Ms A (whichever name she uses)
• request your presence
• at the marriage of C
• to D.

If it were the father that is not paying then the mother's name would be on the first line and the father's name on the second line.

Then the reception card is from Mr. A.

This is why: There is no 'and' (Mr. A and Ms B) which indicates they are not married. If the mother is not listed it will appear as if you have only one living parent -- that your mother is deceased. Because the reception card is from Mr. A it indicates he is paying for at least the reception and most people will probably assume he is paying for it all. Also, because the mother is listed second, it is different from the traditional, and it implies greater status to the father.

The only way you could justify leaving the mother off the invitation is if she hasn't been active in the child's life, and hasn't contributed financially to supporting the child throughout most of her life. I would even say that if she has paid child support and has met all the requirements of the law, but if that's all she's done - she hasn't been a parent - she has abandoned the child, then she wouldn't have to be included on the invitation. However, if you don't include her somewhere on the invitation it will appear as if you have only one living parent -- that your mother is deceased.

If the mother has been an integral part of the child's life throughout (she's been a parent), and has contributed financially to supporting the child throughout all or most of her life, then she should be included on the invitation. Very likely, she cannot afford to pay at this time in her life and it's not likely that she's deliberately withholding.

Here is the most relevant etiquette I found when searching the web, as I am not an expert in etiquette: As long as your parents are alive they properly issue your wedding invitations. The wedding invitation is not the forum for indicating who is paying. Its purpose is to invite family and friends for a celebration of the giving away of the bride by the family to her new husband. The center of attention is to go to the bride and groom. If you want your guests to know who is paying for the wedding, that person can be mentioned on the reception cards as hosting the reception. That way it will be obvious who is paying for it. Code: Q44.

The Queen, 1/30/10

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I want a website like yours.

Dear Queen,

May I ask, is there any chance of making my own advice column on your site, for free, or could you tell me how you did it. Code: Q25.

Signed, Miss Inquiry

Dear Miss Inquiry,

Actually, if my website becomes popular, I would like to have a network of Advice Queens. Right now that's not something I could do, though. And not in the near future. I design, program, and maintain my website myself. But you may be able to find a service that will do it very low cost when you use paid webhosting from them. Or you may be able to make a pretty good, functional website, with a template and free webhosting.

Meanwhile, if you are really serious about answering other's problems, maybe you know some good advice for this one of mine that still needs an answer. How do I get over being Broken-Hearted?

The Queen, 10/10/09

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